I hear that James Franco was attending his graduate seminar on Byron, Keats, and Shelley at Yale when it was announced that he is currently nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor. Good for James Franco. Perhaps he is going to make having a PhD in English seem sexy and relevant again. Or something.
I have questions, though.
Do the other graduate students in that seminar take pride in the fact that they have never seen a James Franco movie and try to work that fact into pre-seminar small talk whenever possible?
How will James Franco complete a dissertation what with all the acting and directing and appearing on talk shows and all that stuff seeing as it will probably wind up taking me a total of three years at this point with very little else to do?
Who is going to be James Franco’s dissertation director and will that disseration director take months to get chapter drafts back to him?
Is James Franco going to be showing up at Marriotts and Hyatt Regencies around the nation delivering fifteen minute papers on the British Romantics? If so, will he stay at the conference hotel or commute from The Four Seasons?
Assuming, as this Daily Show clip tells me, that James Franco decides to pursue a tenure track career, is he going to quit all of that other stuff in order to work for $60,000 a year (at best) churning out articles and books that exactly six people will read? Is he going to have to adjunct for a couple of years with the prospect of a full time position tantalizingly dangled in front of him until it becomes clear that no such position is ever going to be created? If the latter, will James Franco return to acting?
Will James Franco put his Oscar nom on his curriculum vitae? And if so, will the cynical sneers of hiring committees be visible from space?
Will James Franco be attending MLA in order to give interviews in a crappy hotel room with faculty from regional colleges in Pennsylvania? If so, will his bodyguards be allowed in the interview room with him? Will he be wearing a Prada suit?
Has Yale English been getting applications from people who say they want to study the British Romantics but really just want to study James Franco?
Until I get answers to these questions (and more), I won’t go see James Franco’s movie 127 Hours.
Ok. I lied. I won’t be seeing it anyway, because the whole cutting off one’s crushed and probably necrotic arm squicks me out so bad that I can’t even watch the previews. Also, the more I think about James Franco’s possible academic career the more I suspect that the answers to the above questions might make me hate James Franco a little bit.
Image Credit: c. sexowski, Flickr Creative Commons